What floor are the demon executives on?
by Daria234
Summary: Angry that his favorite show - Firefly - was cancelled, Dean decides that the Fox television network is run by demons and wants to attack, but Sam thinks it's a bad idea. Appearances by Cas and Gabriel. Warnings for total!crack!


Written for a prompt at comment_fic on livejournal, prompt was Supernatural, Winchesters, After Firefly's cancellation, Dean is convinced that Fox is run by demons and that he needs to do something about it

* * *

"We have the time, Sam!"

"No, we don't! The world is en-"

"It's always ending!" Dean growled. "And how often are we in LA? We didn't have time last time, this might be our last chance before the Apoca-you-know-what to get these guys!!"

"Dean!" Sam yelled, "We are not taking time out of hunting just because you're still mad about Firefly!!!" Sam was entirely frustrated, and some place in the back of his mind, he actually found it kind of funny that even though he had been the demon-fucking, blood-drinking, world-ending idiot who raised the devil, he still might actually be the sane one.

"They're demons, Sam! They have to be!! And have you seen the stuff they leave ON the air! Those hell-dicks are going down!!"

"Cas," Sam said, "Please, tell Dean. You must have heard of some lead that we should be following. Or, you know, anything that we should be doing other than storming into Fox TV with salt and holy water."

"I do not have any leads right now," Cas said stoically, "But I was very upset when they cancelled Dark Angel."

"You cannot be serious," Sam said, holding his head in his hands.

"That Alec was very appealing," Cas added as a wistful look fell over his eyes.

"Great!" Dean said, "Let's go!"

"Soon. First, I shall negotiate a temporary pact with Gabriel so that he can join us," Cas said, "He is still crying about Sarah Connor and will be eager to assist."

Cas disappeared and Dean immediately went to loading the guns full of salt. Sam rolled his eyes and refused to help, but soon Dean was insisting that they couldn't wait. They had to take the sons of bitches down now.

================================  
As Sam and Dean walked into the lobby, Sam looked around sheepishly. This was probably just going to end in embarrassment and apologies, but Sam couldn't win the argument with them. Even when he had called Bobby to say that Dean was convinced that they should go after 'the demons' who run Fox, all Bobby did was say, "'Bout damn time," and hang up.

So the four of them walked in, guns in large boxes marked "props." They walked up to the receptionist and Dean threw holy water in her face. She nonchalantly wiped it up.

"Dick," she said in a bored monotone.

"Sorry," Dean said, "It's just I was expecting demons."

"Programming department is on the 97th floor," she said with a bored sigh.

As they took the slow elevator ride up, Dean noticed that the elevator music was a smooth jazz version of "Back in Black."

"Evil," he said confidently, "I told you so, Sammy."

But Sam had had enough. "No! Dean, I'm sorry they cancelled your show but -"

"Sorry!" Dean yelled, "Sorry doesn't begin to cut it! We could have seen River slowly heal and bring joy to everyone! Or maybe she would have gotten worse and done terrible things against her will but then redeem herself! It would have been beautiful!"

"Redemption arcs are overrated," Sam muttered, "They're slow and boring and hardly ever done well." But Dean was mid-rant and wouldn't hear any of it.

"And taking a chance on River would have made Mal open his heart again! After the war he was too afraid to take a chance on someone, but River made him open his hear and stop being afraid to care!!! And then he and Inara would have ended up together eventually! They could have been married in the fifth season finale if Fox hadn't screwed up so bad!"

Sam mumbled, "More likely Mal would marry Simon. And then divorce him because Simon won't devote his whole life to being mad about the war."

"Sure, take the side of the prim and proper girly dude! Big surprise."

"Dean. Stop faking. We both know you love Simon."

Annoyed, Dean snapped, "He is superb at in-the-field medical improvisations and he looks like he has incredibly smooth skin, okay!?!"

"And he gave up everything for his sibling," Sam pointed out, trying to suggest that Dean's conviction that the cancellation of Firefly was demonic might have more to do with Dean's own issues. Seriously, did Dean even know the term 'projection'?

But Dean either didn't notice or chose to ignore that, saying, "Exactly! Simon's a cool dude, if a little uptight. Like Cas! And Mal -- I mean, can you really not relate to Mal? Hunters are all like Mal, Sam. Hey, that's probably why the demons didn't like the show! Those demon dickheads didn't want to promote a bunch of rugged fighters who stop evil on their own terms!"

"Dean!!! Enough! This is stupid! I am not going in with you! I am not throwing salt at television executives! I thought it was a good show, probably a little too smart and quirky for a wide network audience, and it should never have been put on a Friday, but THAT'S IT!!! No EVIL! JUST A SHOW!!!"

Just then the elevator door opened to the office of Network Programming. Seated at the front desk was Meg.

Sam sighed as they ducked for cover and pulled out their shotguns. He would never hear the end of it now.

As they walked away from the network building, sore and exhausted but satisfied, Cas and Gabriel suddenly appeared.

"You dicks!" Gabe yelled, "You didn't save any for me to kill!"

"It was kind of a dangerous situation in there!" Dean said, "If we had waited, it would have been too big a risk!"

Gabe rolled his eyes, and criticized, "Idiot humans with your stupid non-ironic ways of killing people."

"As long as you were not tempted by their demonic offers, we are pleased at your success," Cas said, none too subtly looking at Sam.

"The only one who was tempted was Dean," Sam smirked.

"I wasn't tempted!" Dean growled, before adding, "Okay, a little, but I resisted just fine."

Sam said,"They offered him a spot on a new reality show, where a guy dates 25 women while driving 25 different classic cars."

"It would feel dirty to cheat on my baby like that," Dean said, affirming his devotion to the Impala.

"Well, I am glad your earthly attachments are good for something at any rate," muttered Cas.

Still angry about missing the fun, Gabe blurted out, "I had plans for them you dicks!! I was going to have a baby terminator terminate them. Like a cute little baby that toddles around but then has a metal plate in the face with red glowing eyes. It would have been so creepy!! And then I was going to bring them back and make them relive 8-10PM on Friday night for a hundred years, and then tell them I just forgot that I left them there since really, who's going to watch on a Friday? And then I was going to make them star in a commercial that misrepresents their intelligence so nobody will want them. And then I was going to drown them in a giant 10-story television set full of feces."

"Real subtle commentary there," observed Sam.

"I don't think they're all that great at recognizing nuance!" Gabe snapped back.

"Enough!" Dean said, "It's done. And Gabe? We all know you love Veronica Mars. And the CW is really close to here."

"Oh, I hate those guys!" Gabe said.

"Who doesn't?" Cas said, "Reaper totally deserved another season."

"I think they've cultivated their target audience quite well," Sam said.

But once again, everyone ignored him as they got ready to take on another studio. By the smile on Gabe's face, Sam knew it wasn't going to be pretty.


End file.
